Главная страница «Первого сентября»Главная страница журнала «Английский язык»Содержание №15/2007

Fun Puns

Though puns can be funny, they are not always easy to understand at first. See which ones you understand quickly. They often require close attention to second and third meanings of words, or noticing words which sound similar, but are spelled differently, and have different meanings.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. (arrest)

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate. (the bait)

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A. (You see L.A.)

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two-tired.

The optometrist fell into his lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself.

Time flies like an arrow; but fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion. (poetry in motion)

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor. (miner)

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, and resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

He broke into song because he couldn’t find the right key.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

His parents thought he was a budding genius, but he turned out to be a blooming idiot.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall. (them all)

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she would dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis. (need-to-know)

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Accupuncture: a jab well done. (job)

Compiled by Erin Bouma